When I married Dan* I thought that this would be IT. This would be THE perfect relationship. And four years later, it turned out that this actually WAS the "perfect" relationship - just not in my definition of perfect.
The "perfection" - and the greatest lesson - was in the leaving.
At the end of June 2005, after three frustrating and unhappy years, the pain of being married to Dan became more painful than my fear of the unknown - the fear of not having enough money to live on. And two days after my 47th birthday, I told him I was leaving.
That evening, I had a sense that the angels were toasting with Champaign glasses, having a huge celebration! It was like the Universe said “YES! Finally.”
My first day searching for an apartment, I found the perfect place. It was a little more than I wanted to spend, but it was doable. AND I got approved to lease it – which I was not sure if I’d be approved or not.
It all happened so fast – I’d left home around 10:00 a.m. and by 2:00 I was sitting in my new empty apartment with my head spinning, saying, “wow!”
Then, about 3 days later, while getting ready for the day, “reality” hit me. "Oh my gosh..." I thought as major fears and doubts suddenly started pouring through my mind. “Can I really do this on my own?” “Will I have enough money?” “What if I don’t?” “I really only have ‘potential’ income, not a weekly paycheck to cover all my expenses.” “How am I going to pull this off?”
I realized immediately that I could NOT afford to let these thoughts trip me up. After all, they were the same thoughts that had kept me “slave” to the unhealthy situation I was finally leaving.
So I immediately started doing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - an energy healing tapping technique) on my fears and doubts. Then I formulated some affirmation statements and wrote them down on index cards to carry around with me.
As I finished getting ready, I thought about how I always lose the cards, and how they’re such a pain to keep track of; and how I really needed to write them out a dozen times or so and put them up all over the walls.... and I couldn't really do that since I was still living with Dan at the time. (My excuse machine was working over time!)
I knew I could not allow these doubts and fears to get the best of me. "There's got to be an alternative," I thought.... And then it came to me, try to fit the affirmation into a melody. That way, I can easily remember it, and it would be with me all the time. AND it would be FUN!
So as the count-down to moving day drew closer, I continued singing my affirmation songs and doing EFT on fears that came up, as well as working with affirmations in my journal. I started doing breathing and visualization meditations morning and evening. And I also began saturating myself with self-help audios that I had laying around. I listened to them while packing, while driving around town, and any other time I could.
Three weeks later, mid-July, I moved into my perfect apartment and added more audios to my repertoire and listened to them while unpacking. I also started a morning ritual of gratitude – gratitude for my apartment (that still felt like a miracle!) and for always having more than enough money to support me and my business.
I knew that following through with intuitive hits, or "inspired actions" as my coach used to say, was important. So when I got the nudge to go talk to the department head at the university where I was working and ask for a raise in my accompanying pay, I gathered my courage, told all the "you can't do that" "it's not going happen" "who do you think you are" mind-chatter to take a hike, and I went to see him.
And much to my surprise, I was offered another class to teach! I also discovered that the hourly rate I was already making teaching one class was more than I realized. The accompanying fee, he couldn’t really do anything about, but he ended up giving me a little extra for the summer session. So, in effect, I got THREE raises! I also had more piano students that summer than I’d expected to have. And also ended up having an extra piano class that I wasn’t expecting to teach. So in essence, the money issue that had kept me “slave” to an unhappy relationship had miraculously turned into a none issue.
Getting back to my morning gratitude ritual…. For some reason, I started adding "having a grand piano" to my gratitude list around the last half of August. I was doing a lot of accompanying that semester, and I only had a digital keyboard – which was fine. But, there’s nothing like playing on a “real” piano – a grand. I’d always wanted one, but felt that I could never purchase one by myself. I also believed that I needed to have “the house” first.
But, I added it to my gratitude ritual anyway. I was having fun with the ritual, and I thought, what can it hurt? I also remembered an earlier experience I'd had after finishing Grad school.... I'd gone desk shopping because I needed more space than my 36x36 square corner hutch/desk. While looking over the assortment of smaller, less expensive desks, on a whim I went over to the side of the store where the "grown up" desks were - you know those executive suite sort of desks. I sat down at one and it FELT difference - I felt different. And I knew that if I had a “real” desk, I would be serious about composing and be a “real” composer! Long story, short.... I got the "real" desk and the next year, I won 6 different composition contests!
So... I put grand piano on my gratitude list and could “see” it in my living room and could “feel” what it felt like to practice on it.
And that's when more synchronicities began to occur.
I had been doing a lot of accompanying at the local college over the past couple of years - particularly in this one studio that had a grand piano. I’d never really noticed the little 'for sale' signs on the pianos. But this particular day I did. And the price did not seem that outrageous. So, as I was playing the piano, I started thinking about whether I liked the touch, the sound, and the general feel of it.... It didn’t really strike me one way of the other.
The next day when I went into that studio and played, the sound was different and the touch was different – and I REALLY liked it. When I left, I had this urge – I mean a very specific do-this-now-or-else kind of urge to find out where the pianos came from, what was the deal with them, and who do I go talk to. Turns out, the school had a deal with the local music store where the school uses the pianos during the school year, then the store sells the pianos to the public at a reduced rate. I’d never paid much attention because, as I said earlier, I “believed” that I could not afford one on my own. Plus, I'd mostly lived in apartments, and you’re "supposed" to have a house for a grand piano.
So I went to the music store, talked to the sales lady, filled out the application (again, not knowing whether or not I’d qualify), and went home.
She called the next day to tell me that I was the proud owner of a grand piano and to come sign the paperwork!
And on September 30, on what would have been my 5th year anniversary, my new grand piano was delivered to my apartment. (The synchronicity of that was delicious! :)
In December 2005, I came across Debbie Ford’s book, The Best Year of Your Life. I pondered... if I can manifest a grand piano without even realizing it, what would it be like to manifest on purpose? So I set the intention to make 2006 the best year of my life….. and of course, wrote an affirmation song to go with it!
At that point, the "best year of my life" for me was 1)finding a “real” relationship – one that included someone who interacted with me, who would talk to me and we could actually “relate” together. (All the things that were not happening with Dan.) 2)I also wanted a house. But the house had to have land around it equal to or better than the small park that was outside my back door that I absolutely loved. And 3) I wanted my coaching business to take off – or at least keep afloat. Typically, during the semester teaching, I’d get too busy to keep all the balls in the air, and the coaching balls would fall to the wayside.
What I got on the business side was a coach who helped me get my business more established, helped me expand my thinking and stretch my comfort zone to produce and offer new products (Affirmation Songs), and start giving workshops (a 17 year dream in the making), and get me moving on my Piano CD project (This Little Light of Mine) that had been on hold 2 years. I also hired a virtual assistant who was able to pick up the pieces that had fallen by the wayside and help me set up systems and stay organized.
In addition, I found the perfect relationship in April and “got” the house (moved in with him) in June – house on 3 acre property with lots of space for DC my cat to roam safely and for me to sit out in nature.
The Success Formula
As I relayed part of this story to my "How Much Joy" workshop participants a few weeks ago, I was frustrated in that I did not have a "formula" for my success that I could give them.
The next day, I was inspired to find my old copy of Wallace Wattles' "The Science of Getting Rich" and re-read it. And what I wanted to give in this issue of TIPs was some kind of "success formula" from either Mr. Wattles book or Deepak Chopra's book, "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success."
But... here we are... :)
In reviewing my story, are a few key considerations....
Have a clear vision of what you want.
Sometimes, it's easier to start with what you don't want, then figure out what you DO want. With Dan, I knew that a relationship could be more than what we had. But I also knew that he was not in a place to be able to do that. (And, looking back, I was not in a place to accept what he could give.) I just knew in my heart that it was time to move on.... and that somehow, the bigger lesson for me was facing the fear of the unknown and self-doubt.
With the desk and piano incidents, and later with the new relationship and the house, I could see and feel what it would be like to have these things in my life.
Be totally committed to what you want.
After I made the announcement that I was leaving, it was do-or-die. There was no turning back. I'd stepped off my financial "safety net" and had closed the door to my life as I had known it. The only way to go was forward.
Stay in gratitude.
Gratitude will help to keep your spirits up and strengthen your faith that everything will work out for the best. It also keeps you open to synchronicities and the murmurings of Spirit.
Stop the negativity, fear and self-doubt.
There are many techniques for doing this. EFT is one of my favorites - it's quick and you can do it anywhere. Affirmation work will help to retrain your thinking and replace limiting beliefs. Journaling work can help you look underneath the feelings and help uncover root causes. (Adventures in Self-Discovery teaches powerful journaling processes to help you do that.)
Feed your mind with 'good stuff'.
Listen to audio programs and read books that are positive and life-affirming. Allow no room for doubts and fears to set up shop.
Be open to guidance and inspiration
Follow through on any whims or thoughts or ideas that come to you. Spirit speaks to us in many ways and is always there to give assistance. Be willing to ask for help.
Trust that the Universe will support you.
When you know in your heart it's the 'right' thing - when the desire burns in your heart and soul - you must follow that lead. Because it's God knocking at your door saying, "Hey! Are you in there?" You must believe that the Universe/God will meet you half way. But you often must take the first step - in faith. And yeah, it does sometimes feel like you're stepping off a cliff.
"Come to the edge, he said. They came... and they flew."
*not his real name
Click here to download information on EFT.
© 2009 Becky Waters