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“The things you fear are undefeatable, not by their nature, but by your approach.”

– Jewel Kiltcher (singer)

Scared vs Fear:
Are You Afraid or Just Scared?

“To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.”

Check In

At the New Moon Telegathering last week, the common theme among the participants was that they were all facing some sort of turning point in their lives - from life situation changes to new business adventures. The common feeling was apprehension, concern, anxiousness, being scared.... all varying shades of FEAR.

We got into a bit of a discussion on feeling "afraid" verses feeling "scared." So I thought I'd follow up with a few comments on this 'worrisome' subject. :)

Enjoy the rest of the issue!

- Becky

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“No one can defeat us unless we first defeat ourselves.”

Subscriber Special

Since underlying or unresolved fears can often be found at the foundation of stress, I thought the De-Stress Process would be a perfect compliment to this months' ezine. This process is also a great tool for working through fears and other emotional upsets.

Purchase the De-Stress Process this month and receive the Progressive Muscle Relaxation Guided Meditation for FREE!

The De-Stress Process is a 7-step self-coaching tool designed to help you....

• uncover the root cause of your stress or emotional upset
• explore possible solutions
• come up with action steps to move beyond the stressful/upsetting situation or unhappy feelings.

The whole De-Stress Process package includes:

• the 7-step "process" (The steps can be done all together or pick the one(s) that seem to fit best for you at that moment.)
• five-minutes or less de-stress suggestions
• a 27-minute Stress Relief Guided Meditation
• bonus Special Report, Tips for Releasing Stress In-The-Moment.

Want to achieve more faster? Add one month of coaching support (four 30-minute sessions) to your De-Stress Process purchase. This one-on-one support will give you....

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Announcements and Events

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Monthly New Moon Telegathering - June 1
To provide consistency, our monthly gatherings will be on the first Sunday of each month. Still the same time: 6:00 p.m. Central. Click here for more info. Send an email to join. (I'll have a sign up form soon.) becky@spiritualcoachingcenter.com

Call for Quotes
I'm still looking for quotes. So if you have one you'd like to share, please send it!

Feature Article

Are you afraid or just scared?

Just asking that question brings up the most feared childhood insult of all…. being called a “scaredy-cat”!

To my best recollection, the term “scaredy-cat” was used inter-changeably with “’fraidy-cat”. Whichever title was used though, the meaning was clear – you lacked courage.

However....

"There can be no courage unless you're scared."

– Eddie Rickenbacker (1890-1973), U.S. pilot in World War II,
plane downed in Pacific, 7 men survived over 3 weeks in raft.

Whether you call it feeling afraid or feeling scared, the end result is the same: Fear. And fear is an emotional response - an emotional response to a perceived danger.

As humans, we have an ingrained response to danger - both real and perceived. It’s called the Fight or Flight Response. It kept our species alive in cave dwelling times. So in the survival-of-the-fittest sense, we are the offspring of the fittest. This is good.

However, today, since we don’t have to run from real live lions and tigers and bears (… oh no!) The key operative word here is “perceived” dangers, or in other words: False Expectations Appearing Real.

Aristotle put it this way:

"Fear is the pain arising from the anticipation of evil."

The bad news?

If we continually entertain fear thoughts we keep ourselves in a perpetual state of “fight or flight response.” That's basically what stress is, and it does nasty things to the body. Why? Because our bodies were not designed to live in fear!. (You can learn more about fear, stress and its effects on the body, in my free Stress Tips E-course.)

The good news? There is another choice.

When you boil it all down, there are basically only two emotions: Fear and love. And we already know what fear does. It keeps us... basically stuck. Love, on the other hand, opens us up to possibilities. And it feels a whole heck of a lot better!

"Fear impels us to survive, and love enables us to thrive."

– Dan Baker, PhD.

As Dr. Baker explains in his book, What Happy People Know, fear is hard-wired into every part of our being. It’s the product of the "reptilian brain" – the earliest developed part of our brain. Love is a product of the neocortical higher brain which developed later. There is a continual dance going on between these two parts of our brain – the dance between fear and love.

Of course, there are many forms of “love,” but in our search for happiness, as Dr. Baker explains, the quality of love that matters the most is appreciation. This is the highest and purest form of love.

"When you enter into the active condition of appreciation – whether over something as common as a sunset or as profound as the love in your child’s eyes – your normal world stops and a state of grace begins.”

– Dan Baker, PhD.

And the best news is that our brains simply cannot be in a state of fear and a state of appreciation at the same time. It is neurologically impossible! Sure, you can dance between a them, alternating a slow waltz with a jived up jitterbug if you wish. But essentially, the two – fear and love – are mutually exclusive.

So how do you move into Appreciation when you’re in the middle of Fear?

• Go take a walk in nature. Breathe the clean air, listen to the birds, enjoy the scenery…. appreciate these things as you walk.
• If you're in a really fowl mood, start by appreciating your legs and your body and your ability to move around.
• Go pet your cat or play with your dog. Appreciate their unconditional love and acceptance.
• If you can’t go outside or move away from your surroundings, look around you and find something to appreciate! Then look around again and find something else to appreciate.
• Make appreciation a habit. The more you look for things to appreciate, the more you'll find to appreciate!

The point is.... whatever you call it - fear or just being scared - getting into the appreciation habit can help to you get out of that non-courageous, stuck place, and into a higher feeling state which propels you to move forward.

Just think.... what if you said "no" to the "fear dance" and made appreciation, this good-feeling quality of love, your default “dance” mode?

“Letting go of our fears is the first step toward
creating a fuller, more satisfying life.”

– Bruce Lipton, PhD, The Biology of Belief

Go Deeper, Reach Higher

What’s underneath the fear?

Writing down thoughts and feelings helps us gain clarity and insights that could otherwise be missed. It slows down the thinking mind and allows the subconscious mind to speak. It also helps us "listen from the inside," which is a fundamental component of self-growth and an essential part of self care.

So, get out your favorite journal and pen and give yourself some time to reflect on what is underneath your fear.*

• What are you really feeling? Apprehension, uncertainty, overwhelm? Make a list.
• Choose one of the feelings from your list. What message does this feeling have for you? What is it trying to tell you? Do you need more information, perhaps? Do you need to learn a new skill or develop new habits?
• What would help you release this fear (or other feeling from your list)?
• Sometimes you just have to feel the fear and do it anyway. What action step can you take - even if it's a small baby step - to help you through this fear?

*Questions adapted from the De-Stress Process.