Table of Contents
Check InLeaving the 'City of Your Comfort'
Stepping Out
Time Out Tip
Partner Resources
This & That
About Us
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The Comfort Zone
Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.
- Peter McWilliams
You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy
Check In
Happy New Year.... I mean... April Fool's Day!
Before the Gregorian calendar became the official calendar, April 1st
was considered to be the first day of the year. But everybody didn't
get the word right away, or either refused to believe it entirely.
These "traditionalists" continued to celebrate the New Year's Day on
April 1 instead of January 1, and the "modernists" would make fun of
them by sending them on "fool's errands" or trying to get them to
believe something that was not true. (Find out more history here: April Fools Day)
I invite you to go beyond the usual, 'comfortable' meaning of the word "fool"
- and think deeper. What if the "fool" represents a carefree spirit
able to step out into the unknown - i.e. out of their comfort zone -
without fear or caution.... Like the little boy in The Emperor's New
Clothes who, in childlike wisdom, spoke up and said, "Hey wait a
minute, I'm not buying all this polite adult comfort zone stuff. The
guy is prancing around in his 'birthday suit'!"
Dare to be the fool!
Enjoy
the rest of the issue!
- Becky
Leaving the 'City of Your Comfort'
You
have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of
your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll
discover will be yourself.
- Alan Alda
The comfort zone includes all the things we do often enough to feel comfortable doing. It is much like the querencia - a term in
bullfighting that refers to the
spot in the ring where the bull always goes back to. Carly Fiorina* describes it this way: Each bull has a different
querencia, but as the bullfight continues, and the animal becomes more
threatened, it returns more and more often to his spot. As he returns
to his querencia, he becomes more predictable. And so, in the end, the
matador is able to kill the bull because instead of trying something
new, the bull returns to what is familiar. His comfort zone.
It is the comfort zone's job to keep us in our place - doing what we've
always done, the way we've always done it. And if we try to stretch out and entertain thoughts of doing something differently,
like moving forward on that life dream we have, or doing anything that
involves taking a step into the unknown, the comfort zone immediately
spins into overdrive and begins looking for the consequences - mostly
the negative consequences.
The
bottom line result of these negative consequences are fear, guilt,
anger, hurt feelings or unworthiness - the primary tools of the comfort
zone. Early in life, these 'tools' begin to shape our sense of right
and wrong and form themselves into limiting beliefs that keep us in our
own private querencia. If we dare to step outside the bounds of the
comfort zone, these tools are used swiftly and with precision.
My comfort zone's favorite tool is guilt. This, combined with a
limiting belief that 'good girls' do not make people mad, often results
in me keeping silent when something upsets me. Instead of standing up
for myself, I let the other person
take my time if it seems they need to talk, even though I'm working on
a deadline that's due that day.... Or I let them get away with doing
things that irritate or bother me, telling myself 'oh, it doesn't
matter,' or
'it's not that big of a deal.' Or I let them renege on a promise and
make excuses for them, even though I was looking forward to, depending
on, or really needed them to follow through with the promise.
Peter McWilliams, in his book, Do It! Let's Get Off Our Buts, describes guilt as anger directed toward ourselves, and this anger is the energy for change....
The gift of anger... is the physical, mental
and emotional strength to make change.
This emotional strength can give us the energy to move past the
'discomfort' tactics of the comfort zone. It can give us energy to take
that first step to begin making our dream a reality. It can help us
speak up when our boundaries are crossed. It can give us the courage to
follow our heart and take a risk on doing something even though the
outcome is uncertain. It can move us past the limits of fear and
resistance and into a life lived with purpose and passion.
"Come to the edge, " he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came.
He pushed them...
And they flew.
- Guillaume Apollinaire
*
Carly Fiorina, b. 1954. Executive and president of Hewlett-Packard Co.
in 1999. Chairwoman in 2000. She resigned from the company February 9.
2005.
Stepping Out
My main avenue of creative expression throughout my life has been music -
particularly, playing the piano or organ. So my performer comfort
zone - my on stage querencia - has become sitting behind a piano or organ. If I have to stand in front of the audience, look them in the eye and actually
say something, that has always scared me to death!
Over the years, though, I've made progress overcoming this fear by
taking
various classes that gave me "piano-less" experience on stage,
directing choirs, musicals and taking on other leadership roles. Plus,
joining Toastmasters a couple of years ago gave me a tremendous boost
of confidence in just standing on stage.
But I have a dream.... and I'm still not where I want to be. So when a
huge feal-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway type opportunity came along for me
to step out of my
comfort zone, I did not say no - even when I had a second chance to
back out.
On May 6, I will be premiering in my first acting role since
10th grade when I played Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker. The
Renaissance Theatre* in Huntsville, is presenting Smoke on the Mountain. It's about a gospel quartet family, set in 1938. I'm playing the part of the mother who sings and plays the piano....
So, even though there's still a piano involved, the show offers plenty
of opportunities to face the audience, look them in the eye, speak...
and take a giant step out of my comfort zone!
* Presented by Alpha
Stage Productions, a division of Renaissance Theater, Inc. and The
Burritt Museum. For more information visit www.burrittmuseum.com or www.renaissancetheatre.net or call 256-536-2882. Advance tickets are recommended.
Time Out Tip
As
you go through your day, your week... this April Fool's month, I
encourage you to look for ways to do something different. It doesn't
have to be something grandiose at first. It's okay to start small. The
point is to get practice turning the 'uncomfortableness' into the
positive energy of excitement. It's like the nervousness before a
performance: you can let the feeling paralyze you with self-doubt and
fear, or you can let it energize you with excitement and joy. The
choice is yours!
Here are just a few ideas to get you started:
- drive to work or go home a different way
- try out a new restaurant or go to a different gas station
- talk to a co-worker you rarely speak to
- say something pleasant to the cashier or to the person in the check-out line
- say "no" when you'd normally say "yes" and regret it
- say "yes" when you really want to but are afraid
- take the first or next step toward that goal or dream you've been putting off
Progress always involves risk; you can't steal
second base and keep your foot on first.
- Frederick Wilcox
Partner Resources
This Stress Releaser Mood Shifter
by Gay Hendricks is such a good "attitude adjustment" tool for quickly
getting back in touch with what's really important in life, I thought I
would offer it again. Remember to breath deeply and slowly as you watch
and listen.... Enjoy!
This and That
Have you taken the free Happiness Quiz? Are you ready to change those low-score questions into a "5"? Step up and take responsibility right now. Choosing Happiness - The First Step will help you take charge of your own destiny and begin creating the happy, fulfilling
life you deserve. Call me at 256-348-5236 or send
an email to set up an appointment.
Feedback? I would love
to hear your comments. Do you like the newsletter? Are there any
specific topics you'd like to see discussed? Do you have any questions?
Feel free to send an email and let me know what you think! Newsletter Feedback
About Us
Create a Happy 'Tude is published the first week of each month. It's purpose is to inspire and
motivate it's readers to keep a happy, healthy, prosperous attitude by
providing articles, exercises, tips and resources.
Spiritual Coaching Center
provides coaching and support to clients who are serious about living with
passion and creating more fulfillment in their lives. If you are ready
to stretch beyond your current limits and create a more authentic, happier
life for yourself, I would love to talk with you. Send an email or call 256-348-5236 to set up an appointment.
New to coaching? Then try
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no obligation and you receive the full benefits of a coaching session.
Journey to Perfection
is my online journal (weblog) about trying to live a life with
intention, passion and open-hearted awareness. I invite you to visit
and share your own thoughts and comments as together, we continue on
the journey toward wholeness.
For information about our
programs or for more inspirational resources, please visit
our website.
My personal mission
is to tell the truth, to live with integrity, to be my real, authentic
self, and to inspire others to do the same. If I can help bring a smile
to someone's face, offer a different perspective, or inspire just one person
to get a move on, then I will have taken one more step toward fulfilling
my purpose in life.
- Becky Waters,
Life Coach
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